21 Spooky Two-Sentence Marketing Stories That Will Make You Scream

Spring may be one of the least-spooky times of the year, and that’s exactly why we’d like to serve you up a few spooks. The takeaway? Think of these as common marketing blunders and mistakes you definitely don’t want to make.

One

It was January 1, 2017. The last blog was time-stamped December 22…2015.

Two

“When you’re looking for luxury custom homes to purchase in Austin, it’s important to consider that luxury custom Austin homes available for purchase are different from luxury custom homes available near Austin,” the home builder’s website read. It was “in favor of SEO.”

Three

“My neighbor can do it,” he said with a manic look. “He said he could probably knock out the website in a day or two.”

Four

She watched and waited. The eBook she was promised never came.

Five

“I love the Smuckers logo,” said the owner of a local jelly business. “Could you make ours look like that?”

Six

For years, their website received hundreds of visitors every day. None of the traffic was relevant.

Seven

I read the homepage. Five minutes later, what the business actually did was still a complete mystery to me.

Eight

The logo had a drop shadow. It was 2017.

Nine

The frozen food business was sure to Tweet every day. At exactly the same time, on the hour.

Ten

“Click here! Free tips!” the brown CTA in the bottom left-hand corner read.

Eleven

“Who cares what customers think,” the marketing manager said with a smug smirk. “Our current website is cool.”

Twelve

I looked at the business card, the brochure, and the website. Three different logos.

Thirteen

Eager to learn more, I clicked the link on the blog. It took me to a landing page…of a competitor.

Fourteen

“We’re definitely keeping the logo,” the owner of the law firm said with a twinkle in her eye. The font was Comic Sans.

Fifteen

The company’s Facebook page had six self-promotional posts. And nothing else.

Sixteen

“We’re not big like Nike or Apple,” the business owner said. “We don’t need branding.”

Seventeen

The blog was nearly 3,000 words. Of self-promotion.

Eighteen

The owner of the beer company told me social media was for kids. He was serious.

Nineteen

I asked who their target audience was. “Everyone,” he told me with a vacant smile.

Twenty

There was an ad at the top of the page for cheese pizza. When I clicked it, I found myself on a landing page…for a personal injury lawyer.

Twenty-One

“They’re 500 miles away so they can’t be our competitor,” the owner of an IT company said. “Why would we care what’s on their website?”